


Never Be the Same (Again)

by junmyeon



Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 07:30:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junmyeon/pseuds/junmyeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All boy bands eventually grow up. TVXQ is no different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Be the Same (Again)

**2023**   
  
_January_

  
  
Changmin's phone rings just as he steps out of the SM Building on a Friday afternoon. The caller ID tells him it's Kyuhyun and  _of course_  it's Kyuhyun with his impeccable timing.  
  
“Are you free tonight?” comes the voice of his closest friend through the speakers and Changmin hesitates before answering.  
  
Apart from writing more lyrics and going over the script for Monday’s filming, yeah, Changmin’s free for the night.  
  
It's just that lately, Changmin's been freer he has been for many years and he's not quite sure what to do.  
  
“Yeah I’m free,” he finally replies, “what’s up?”  
  
“Double date at eight. My girlfriend’s going to bring a friend.”  
  
Changmin considers for a moment, and Yunho flashes into his mind. But as quickly as the image comes, it fades away again, leaving Changmin no more reasons to refuse.  
  
“Text me the place, I’ll see you at eight.”  
---  
  
**2022**   
  
_June_

  
  
Yunho gets married at the age of thirty-six.  
  
It’s a quaint little chapel ceremony set amidst the backdrop of Okinawa; clear blue skies and and lush green fields.  
  
They run out onto the beach just behind the chapel right after they’ve been declared man and wife, and Changmin follows obediently with a smile on his face. Yunho throws his jacket off and Changmin runs to catch it before the most expensive suit his hyung has ever bought is ruined by the sand.  
  
“Hyung, you’re going to ruin the suit!” he calls out to the sea.  
  
Yunho looks back at him, his bride in his arms and laughing; so carefree.  
  
“It’s okay,” he shouts back, waves lapping gently at his ankles. “It’s just a suit, it’s just a suit.”  
  
Their hired photographer, sworn to secrecy and having signed about a million confidentiality clauses in their contract, rushes past Changmin and steadies his tripod on the thin white sand.  
  
The newly wed brides tugs Yunho’s attention away by the sleeve and he turns to face the camera. He laughs, she smiles.  
  
Against the backdrop of an endless blue, it’s picture perfect.  
  
Just like Yunho.  
---  
  
**2021**   
  
  
_August_

  
  
Yunho turns up at Changmin’s door with a box of Chinese takeway, serviettes and disposable chopsticks.  
  
“I come bearing gifts,” he jokes at the door, holding up the plastic bag.  
  
Changmin rolls his eyes at the lame joke; they’re the same as ever but he opens the door and lets Yunho in anyway.  
  
“What do you want hyung?” he asks once they're settled in front of the wide-screen television, sitting on opposite ends of the coach, each with a bowl of stir fried noodles in their hands.  
  
Yunho continues eating noodles so Changmin reaches across to poke his shoulder with the tip of his chopstick. Yunho turns around with an expression that comes horrifyingly close to a pout.  
  
“Let me eat and enjoy your company,” Yunho simply says, his face eerily blank and Changmin knows then that there’s something not quite right. Yunho's not smiling  
  
Tension builds as they eat and not even the badly scripted lines from the idol drama playing on television can cut into it. Changmin briefly wonders why he had even allowed Yunho to choose the channel.  
  
Yunho finishes eating. Changmin’s bowl is still half full but he’s already lost his appetite. He stands and snatches up the other bowl from where Yunho had placed it on the coffee table and dumps them both over in the kitchen sink before Yunho can protest.  
  
“You’ve eaten, we’ve sat in the silence of each others company,” Changmin says, “now, why are you here?”  
  
“What makes you think I’m here for a reason?” Yunho asks, looking almost affronted. “Do I need a reason to want to spend time with you?”  
  
Changmin thinks for a moment. No, Yunho doesn't need a reason and Changmin would now jump for the opportunity to spend time with Yunho too. Just not like this.  
  
“You’d normally text or call first,” he says. “Besides, I can tell. I know you.”  
  
“You’re right,” Yunho admits and usually, this would be where Changmin smirks and replies with an “I’m always right.”  
  
But not today.  
  
Today, there’s only silence. Usually, Yunho would be quick to ask and Changmin would be quick to agree because Yunho _knows_  Changmin; who he is and what he’ll do-- and Yunho would never ask anything beyond Changmin’s abilities.  
  
 _So why is Yunho hesitating today?_  
  
There’s only uncertainty in his eyes as he opens his mouth then closes it, as if he’s forcing out silent words, praying for Changmin to somehow understand.  
  
“My best man,” Yunho suddenly says, “be my best man.”  
  
Changmin stops shifting in his seat. His hands clench around the leather of the coach without his permission.  
  
“Do you know-” he finally forces out, “do you know what you’re asking?”  
  
Yunho nods once. “That’s why I asked.”  
  
Changmin laughs. It comes out bitter. Yunho looks alarmed.  
  
“Hey- Changmin, I’m sorr-”  
  
“It’s fine,” Changmin cuts in, “I’ll be your best man.”  
  
“If you don’t want to, I won’t force you. I can’t force you. You don’t need to feel obligated to.”  
  
“I want to.”  
  
And it’s not exactly a lie. Changmin wants to be Yunho’s best man because he wouldn’t accept any other place. Being Yunho’s best man would make Yunho happy, and he wants Yunho to be happy. There’s a line of self-sacrifice that Changmin is unwilling to cross and while this toes the line, it doesn’t cross it.  
  
Yunho breaks into a smile, and Changmin thinks that maybe, just maybe that the sinking feeling under his ribs will be worth the end result.  
  
When Yunho’s out the door, exchanging goodbyes on opposite sides of the doorway, Changmin grabs him by the wrist.  
  
“Remember to take off your shoes when you get home,” he says on an impulse.  
  
Yunho stares almost incredulously at him before laughing, warm and clear.  
  
“It’s almost like we’ve gone back in time,” he finally chuckles, twisting his wrist around to wrap his fingers around Changmin.  
  
“But it’ll never be the same,” Changmin says, “it’ll never be the same again.”  
  
Tilting his head, Yunho looks curiously across at Changmin.  
  
“What will never be the same again?”  
  
“Just-”  
  
 _us._  
  
“Nevermind. It’s late, drive safe hyung.”  
  
Yunho offers Changmin a final, thankful smile and turns his back to walk away.  
  
After Yunho turns the corner and flickers out of Changmin's sight, it really hits him then; their relationship will never be the same again.  
---  
  
_February_

  
  
Yunho’s back in Seoul for the first time in what feels like forever. He texts and calls Changmin until the latter’s outside his apartment door, a few bottles of beer a plastic bag dangling down from his wrist as he impatiently presses the doorbell.  
  
“How’s Japan?” he asks. _How’s Aya-san?_  
  
“Great,” Yunho replies happily, “we went to Disneyland together for Christmas.”  
  
“Aren’t you a little too old for that?” Changmin retorts a little too sharply.  
  
“Never had the chance to before.” Yunho’s voice is starting to strain. It’s barely there but Changmin hears it, the forced cheeriness that he’s grown used to throughout the years.  
  
Maybe he’s being a little harsh. It’s not Yunho’s fault at all that Changmin wishes that he was the one who had gone to Disneyland with Yunho instead.  
  
“I ordered in,” Yunho says awkwardly, attempting to change the subject. “I hope you don’t mind Italian.”  
  
“Italian’s fine,” Changmin replies, equally as awkward. “Italian’s great.”  
  
The silence is still. It’s really been a long time.  
  
“I wanted to propose to her at Disneyland, on Christmas day,” Yunho suddenly starts again. “It would have been romantic, but I hadn’t told my parents. I’m going to tell them when I go back for the New Year.”  
  
“Will they mind?” Changmin chokes out, “you’ve only been dating for what, two years?”  
  
Yunho shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. We’re old enough, what’s the point of dragging this out if we’re both serious?”  
  
To that, Changmin doesn’t have an answer.  
  
“What about us?” he replies, his voice weak. “What will happen to us?”  
  
“Us?” Yunho looks confused.  
  
“Yeah,” Changmin reaffirms. “ _Us_.”  
  
Yunho’s eyes drop to the ground. He remembers, and he understands.  
  
He remembers the day that they had tumbled off stage in a state of extreme post-performance euphoria and had somehow ended up pressed up against the wall of their dressing room, lips smashed together and fingers slipping underneath costumes and leaving deep red marks that they'd struggled to cover up the next day.  
  
“Changmin-ah, there’s a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone,” Yunho finally says quietly.  
  
Changmin’s not sure if it’s love, but he’s sure that there’s still something there-- for both of them.  
  
“Don’t you think that I know that?”  
  
“Changmin.”  
  
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am still in love with you but I just can’t tell. Maybe I’ve forgotten my heart. But this is still my choice.”  
  
“I loved you,” Changmin whispers into his hands.  
  
“And I loved you back,” Yunho murmurs back, “but that’s all in the past now. We’ve moved on from the Yunho and Changmin with nothing but the TVXQ name and each other.”  
  
“I love you,” Changmin corrects, because he’s sure that, somewhere deep inside, it’s true. Yunho just strokes his hair comfortingly.  
  
“I can’t tell you that you don’t love me,” he says softly, “but I can tell you to let go.”  
  
Changmin nods into Yunho’s chest.  
  
“Yeah, I’ll let go,” he says, “I’ll start now.”  
  
Then he stands up and walks out the door.  
---  
  
**2020**   
  
_March_

  
  
They go out for coffee, just the two of them.  
  
It’s a welcome change to be able to sit in public peacefully and to just catch up on their past.  
  
“What happened to Heechul?” Changmin opens with a raised eyebrow. “Thought you guys were attached by the hip now.”  
  
“Paris,” Yunho replies, “he’s with Hyukjae.”  
  
“Hyukjae?” There’s surprise in Changmin’s voice. The last he had heard of Lee Hyukjae was from Kyuhyun. Apparently, Siwon and some other of the more sentimental members of Super Junior had planned a huge reunion vacation where they’d travel to each country a member was living in and pick them up along the way -- or something equally stupid.  
  
Halfway through the vacation, Hyukjae somehow re-established his relationship with Junsu and they had run off somewhere together to fulfill a childhood dream or something.  
  
“Yeah Hyukjae. Apparently things are really over with Junsu now. He got the closure he needed from that friendship.”  
  
“Closure,” Changmin snorts, “guess we all needed a bit of that.”  
  
Yunho looks thoughtful, and he takes a slow sip of his iced coffee through a bright yellow straw.  
  
“Have you ever thought-”  
  
“I’ve thought,” Changmin cuts in, suddenly sharp. “Every possible situation, every possible solution. But then I remember.”  
  
“What do you remember?”  
  
“2010.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
The silence stretches forever. No matter how many times they approach this, no matter from which angle they approach it from, it’s the same.  
  
A dead end.  
  
A waiter comes to take their empty plates and Yunho smiles at him, ordering two glasses of iced tea. One the usual, one exactly the way Changmin prefers it.  
  
It isn’t until the waiter returns with their drinks that Changmin picks the conversation back up.  
  
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he says with a sigh, “it’s been so long and we’ve all moved on.”  
  
“Yeah,“ Yunho agrees quietly, “they changed the lives we had planned out but maybe it’s best things turned out this way.”  
  
It’s a conversation that they’ve had many times before; it doesn’t get tiring, it doesn’t feel repetitive. It’s simply reaffirming their decisions, reaffirming themselves.  
  
“Let’s talk about now,” Changmin suddenly says, “how’s the girl?”  
  
Yunho startles slightly, and the glass of tea threatens to spill over the brim onto his white polo shirt.  
  
“You mean Aya-chan?” It’s a rhetorical question. Yunho’s been on many first dates but only one of them had ever worked out.  
  
“There’s another girl?” Changmin teases with his eyebrows raised, knowing that Yunho would immediately get flustered.  
  
“No no no, of course not, there’s only Aya-chan.” As he had expected, Yunho jumps to explain and Changmin can’t help but burst into laughter.  
  
“It’s serious then?” Changmin asks, but he knows he doesn’t need to. With Yunho, every relationship is serious.  
  
“Yeah,” Yunho replies softly, “I like her a lot.”  
  
“More than you like me?” Changmin’s tone is light and joking, but there’s something in it that catches Yunho unaware. He chokes on his words before they even escape his lips.  
  
There’s something definitive about the answer, something beyond a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’.  
  
Something hidden deep within the fist bumps, embraces, and tears that they had shared. Something illogical and something impossible.  
  
“I’ve known you for half my life,” Yunho finally forces out. His tone is even, controlled, but uncharacteristically so. “How can I compare?”  
  
Changmin shrugs. “Tell me what your heart says?” he suggests lamely.  
  
Yunho stares at him for another minute, and Changmin can tell from his expression that he’s deep in thought.  
  
“My heart isn’t always the most logical thing,” Yunho finally replies, “sometimes, I’ll listen to my brain.”  
  
Changmin wonders when it was that Yunho stopped listening to his heart.  
---  
  
**2019**   
  
_June_

  
  
The first time Changmin visits Yunho’s shared flat in Japan is after the filming of a MV he had been invited to star in wraps up. He still gets little requests like these from Japan, where Tohoshinki had faded, but had never really been forgotten at all. On the occasion, Changmin likes to daydream that they too, have reached the level that SMAP has achieved.  
  
He knocks on the door to Yunho’s place with a bottle of wine in his hands, shifting nervously from foot to foot. He hopes that it’s Yunho that answers the door because as much as he’s heard about his wonderful girlfriend, he really doesn’t want an awkward first meeting in the doorway.  
  
Thankfully, Yunho opens, dressed casually in a light blue v-neck and black jeans.  
  
“You made it!” he says, delighted as if he had actually expected Changmin to bail.  
  
“Of course,” Changmin replies, “did you expect me not to come?”  
  
Yunho laughs with a shake of his head and ushers him in, his hand fitting perfectly into the small of Changmin’s back. Changmin is torn between leaning back and jerking away.  
  
“Aya-chan’s out shopping,” Yunho explains when Changmin looks around quizzically, “she said that it’s more genuine to serve you a homemade dinner. I stayed behind in case you came around.”  
  
“Oh...” Changmin says, “that’s nice of her.”  
  
And it is nice of her. It’s sweet, kind and so  _Yunho_. From what little he knows, they’re perfectly suited for each other.  
  
Yunho turns his head to look at the clock on the wall and smiles slightly. “She should be home soon,” he nods, “want a drink?”  
  
“Water’s fine.”  
  
Changmin takes a seat on their white leather couch and Yunho joins him a moment later, offering a cup of water in a ridiculously cute Universal Studios mug. Changmin raises an eyebrow at it, then accepts the mug.  
  
“We bought it when we went to Osaka,” Yunho explains, still smiling, presumably at the memories. “Universal Studios, it was fun. We thought we should buy at least something from the souvenir shop.”  
  
“Waste of money,” Changmin mutters and Yunho laughs again.  
  
The front door opens then, and Yunho spins around so fast he almost tumbles off the couch.  
  
“ _Tadaima_!” A cheery, feminine voice calls from the door and even Changmin cranes his neck to catch a glimpse of her face.  
  
“ _Okaeri_ ,” Yunho calls back, and there’s something in his voice that tugs at Changmin’s heart. “Changmin’s arrived.”  
  
“Oh!” Yunho’s girlfriend, Aya-san, looks up and her hair falls away from her face. “Welcome Changmin-san! It’s wonderful to finally meet you.”  
  
She’s cute, Changmin decides; she’s not anything special, but she’s okay.  
  
Changmin stands up, the mug still in his hands, and dips his head in a slight bow. "It’s a pleasure, I’ve heard so much about you.”  
  
She continues smiling, and Yunho leaves Changmin in the lounge to help her with the bags. Changmin averts his eyes when he kisses her on the cheek.  
  
“I’ll prepare dinner now,” she announces after everything has been put in the kitchen, “I’ll leave you two to catch up then.”  
  
They talk about mindless, insignificant matters for an hour or so-- there’s not much about the other that they don’t know so it’s just talk about their daily lives. Changmin finds out that Yunho’s been taking lessons in Japanese calligraphy to pass the time and that he’s started going to libraries to read. “To become more Japanese,” Yunho laughs.  
  
Yunho disappears into the kitchen again after a while with the empty Universal Studios mug, and comes out with a dish balanced on each hand.  
  
“Dinner’s ready!” he calls to Changmin. “Aya-chan is a great cook, come sit down here.”  
  
Changmin walks over to the table and hovers awkwardly while Yunho carefully places the dishes down. He pulls out a chair for him and gestures for him to sit while Aya-san comes around with another dish and chopsticks. Yunho goes back to get the bowls and plates.  
  
“I made your favourite,” Aya-san says adoringly to Yunho, then turns to Changmin with a warm smile. “And yours too, Changmin-san, from what Yunho told me. I hope you like it.”  
  
It’s true; he sees his favourite dish on the table but he tilts his head.  
  
“Yunho’s favourite?” he asks before turning to face Yunho. “Hyung, I thought your favourite was kimchi and BBQ?”  
  
Yunho laughs sheepishly and nods, and Aya-san has the decency to look embarrassed.  
  
“You’re like a couple,” she finally chuckles, breaking the awkward silence. “You two really are.”  
  
 _You’re like a couple._ Changmin’s heard it a million times, MC’s, friends, staff; they’ve all said it. After a while, he’d just dismissed it as just another TVXQ thing but for some reason, it feels different this time.  
  
This time it hurts.  
  
Changmin doesn’t laugh, and Yunho only allows a few awkward chuckles.  
  
Dinner passes in segments of forced conversation and stilled laughter.  
---  
  
_January_

  
  
“Changmin-ah,” Yunho whispers over the phone. He’s thirty-two now, and Changmin’s thirty. It’s a wonder how he can still act so childishly.  
  
Apparently, Yunho had experienced a sudden burst of wanderlust and decided to run off with Heechul to explore the wonders of the world together-- or well, something along those lines. Changmin, on the other hand, was convinced that it was Heechul who had been the one to convince Yunho to go galloping off into the sunset with him instead.  
  
“Hm, hyung,” Changmin replies. He’s at the set of his latest movie at an ungodly hour to prepare. He rubs his eyes sleepily. “Where are you now?”  
  
Last he’d heard from Yunho was a month ago when a postcard from Venice had arrived with a sentimentally Yunho-esque message, along with a line or two courtesy of Heechul.  
  
“Changmin,” the voice repeats, the whisper becoming almost comically urgent, “I have something to tell you!”  
  
Changmin sighs; some things will never change.  
  
“Yes, hyung?“ he whispers back.  
  
“Changmin-ah,” Yunho whines, “what do I do?”  
  
“What do you do about what?”  
  
“I  _like_ her.”  
  
Both sides of the line go silent after that. Changmin can see in his mind’s eye: Yunho, waiting nervously for a reply. He decides to keep Yunho waiting for well over a minute before he says anything else. Yunho doesn’t break into his thoughts, so he just waits.  
  
It’s not surprising that Changmin’s the first to find out when Yunho wants to start dating again. Tohoshinki has been alive long enough and they’ve achieved what they had originally set out to do: which was to create a name and protect it.  
  
They release their last album, go on their last tour, say goodbye to thousands upon millions of fans, promise everyone that it’s ‘ _not the end_ ’ and that they’re ‘ _still together_ ’, the usual. Changmin stays in the industry as a public figure, hosting shows and whatever catches his fancy. Yunho retreats behind the scenes, still with SM, but a little less public.  
  
It soon becomes safe for Yunho to date again, and Changmin knows that more than anything, Yunho wants to start a family. He cheers Yunho on from the side, and he patiently listens to stories of disastrous first dates, but every time Yunho calls about a girl, Changmin would always wait for that one line; ‘it didn’t work out.’  
  
“It’s about time,” Changmin finally says, “go for it.”  
  
“But-”  
  
Yunho’s hesitant. There’s a reason why he’s calling Changmin so early in the morning over something so supposedly nonsensical and Changmin understands.  
  
“Hyung,” Changmin repeats firmly, then sighs and softens his tone. “It’s fine hyung.”  
  
“Are you su-”  
  
“The director’s calling me, I’ll call you later when I’m done,” Changmin cuts through quickly, “bye hyung!”  
  
But later, Changmin doesn’t call back.  
  
He doesn’t forget, he’s not too tired, he just doesn’t want to.  
  
And Yunho doesn’t call again the next day, nor the day after that.  
---  
  
  
  
**2012**   
  
_November_

  
  
It's early evening and Changmin doesn't remember the last time he was home so early. His phone rings, and Yunho’s perfect smile flashes up onto the screen and Changmin smiles at it for a second before picking up. Yunho tells him that he’s coming over with good news so happily that Changmin can already see him already bouncing off the walls in joy.  
  
“Sure, come over,” Changmin replies calmly, “I won’t be going anywhere.”  
  
“I’ll see you soon!” Yunho practically yells into the phone and Changmin doesn’t even have the time scold him before the line goes dead.  
  
Yunho turns up in record time, considering that they don’t live together anymore, and leaps onto Changmin the moment he opens the door.  
  
“Changmin! Changmin!” he smiles, kicking the door behind him closed, “Changmin we did it!”  
  
“Did what?” Changmin asks, amused but fighting back a smile. Yunho’s moods are infectious.  
  
“We did it!” Yunho repeats. “You and I.”  
  
Changmin braces Yunho by the shoulders and holds him still. “We did what?”  
  
Yunho looks Changmin straight in the eyes and breathes slowly, joy and slight disbelief etched into every small, tired line of his makeup-free face.  
  
“A five dome tour,” Yunho finally breathes, “hyung just called me. It’s been confirmed. We really did it.”  
  
The words knock the breath out of Changmin because after all the sweat, tears and hard work, they’ve achieved their goal and they know that every choice that they’ve made along the way, every sacrifice they’ve made was the right one.  
  
“A-are you sure?” is the only thing that Changmin’s able to say, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open in shock.  
  
“Yeah I’m sure,” Yunho laughs, “how do you feel?”  
  
Changmin’s speechless because there’s no words to describe how he feels. Instead, his lips curve into a smile and reaches forward to wrap his arms around Yunho’s waist.  
  
“This is how I feel,” Changmin whispers and can see the pride in Yunho’s eyes, the dedication etched into the lines of his face and the way his eyelashes quiver as he leans in.  
  
Yunho captures his lips.  
  
---  
  
**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for Lynn (shimporn@tumblr)'s birthday!


End file.
